Tuesday, June 28, 2011

No My Husband Doesn't Beat Me!

I know, interesting title. I'm sure you are thinking "Huh?, What's that got to do with anything"? A better title would be "No, My Husband Doesn't Beat Me and Other Ridiculous Things I've Actually Had To Say Before I Explain That I Have Lupus." But that was too long. So anyway, to continue my series on the "Things I Hide About My Invisible Disease", I have to hide most of my body. Some days, I think one of those burquas might be useful, but since that would stand out even more than what I have to hide on my body, I stick to wearing jeans or long pants (no capris), long sleeve shirts (I prefer 3/4 cut because I have short arms) & full coverage shoes with socks (ie: no open-toe sandals, flip-flops, etc.) Why do you ask? Well here goes:

The media has done a very good job of creating public awareness about the previously hidden or overlooked (intentionally or not) issue of domestic violence and spousal abuse. I think this is great! People are more informed, money has been allocated and donated for women's shelters and other resources so women have a way to get out of abusive situations. I'm sure lives have been saved by friends or co-workers confronting a woman with obvious injuries and not taking "I fell off my bike" or "I walked into a door" as a believable explanation. These days people see a woman with bruises and instead of thinking they fell, they tend to think that there is a high probability that the woman is being abused, most likely by her husband or boyfriend. People are so aware, that oddly, abuse seems to be the first place their mind goes when they see a woman with bruises in particular. Moreover, the media has impressed upon people that they have a civic duty as a good & responsible friend, co-worker, or complete stranger "Good Samaritan" that they must intervene in some way. Even I have called the PARENTS of a 20-something year old friend to inform them that their daughter was in a physically abusive relationship (it felt like I was tattling in some weird way) & also got the police involved. I lost the friend, for a while, until she finally got rid of the guy. We've mended the fence (ie:we're friends on Facebook & keep trying to get together for lunch), but we've never really talked about the whole situation. Still, I've always felt that I did the right thing.

All this awareness however has had some draw backs for someone like me...with Lupus. It means that I have to cover myself from neck to toe because if I show my arms or legs in public, I often get those tell-tale questioning looks from people who are thinking to themselves "Is she being hit?, Is she an abused wife?" Case in point: My arm on a relatively normal day:

My arm on a regular day. Specifically 5/11/2011

Also 5/11/2011, it's really hard to take pictures of your own body!

My arm on 5/13/2011

Also 5/13/2011
The bruises on my arms are normal in that I have them almost all the time. The purple spots were an oddity, they are actually Petechiae "(pah-TEE-kee-eye) are tiny red spots on your skin, especially on the lower legs, that result from low numbers of platelet in your blood, a condition called thrombocytopenia. Although thrombocytopenia is common in lupus, serious bleeding as a result of the low number of platelets usually does not occur."
I have always associated petechiae with someone being choked to death. The petechiae or petechial hemorrhages will show up in the eyes, but maybe this is because I watch too much Forensic Files, CSI, Law & Order, or TV in general. I actually got these petechiae from scratching an itch. Seems crazy to me but I had an itch and I scratched it without thinking and later noticed these beautiful purple dots. You can kind of make out the lines. Of course "people" think it looks like finger marks, which they are, but they're mine. They are not from the imaginary/non-existent abusive husband/boyfriend that beats me.

This is the same arm today 6/28/2011, bruised.
Really what got me thinking about how much I hide my body is this sweet little card my then 4 year old daughter made for me at school for Mother's Day.

When I read the first line: "My Mom looks pretty when we go on vacation she dresses up in a dress or skirt", it dawned on me that my daughter does not know me as a woman who wears skirts or dresses. Now really, we've never taken her on a real vacation, so she's talking about special occasions, like Christmas or Birthday celebrations when I do wear dresses. I remember back in 2000, when I started the job where I met my husband, that I didn't even own a pair of jeans. The dress code was business casual, but all I wore for about the first year were skirt suits, that's all I had and all I was used to wearing. I eventually had to buy some pants and jeans as "business casual" to a management team in their 30's and employees right out of college pretty much meant nice jeans and a top. If you were wearing a suit people thought you had an interview for another job.

Now however, I don't wear skirts or dresses because I am always hiding my legs. If I do wear a skirt or dress it is with very opaque stockings or tights. Here is the reason why:
Right Leg Bruising 5/11/2011

Legs on 5/11/2011
I actually have no idea how I got these bruises and moreover they do not go away or heal. Or I just continue to get more bruises, some from running into furniture, but most I'm really not sure about. I have more bruising on my hips and upper thighs but I'm too modest to post any pictures of those. I get the hip & upper thigh bruises from bumping a door with my hip to open it or keep it open when my hands are full. I also however hit door handles, end table corners and chairs. With the exception of bumping doors to open them, the others are unintentional but stem from the following: I'm not always aware of where all my body parts are and I'm clumsy, I have gait ataxia (don't always walk straight especially on uneven surfaces), I often can't feel my feet which makes navigating regular things difficult, and lastly some I have No Idea how I get. You'd think I'd know how I got a mark that's going to stay on my body for months, but most I don't. I'm more prone to bruising because I have reduced blood flow to my extremities due to constriction of the blood vessels and vasculitis. I guess it's akin to diabetics with non-healing wounds. Here are my legs today over a month from the first pictures, I don't see any real difference:
My legs today 6/28/2011
She's Got Legs...She knows how to bruise them- 6/28/11
I've tried a few products to try and cover the bruises. One special corrective make-up Dermablend claimed that it could cover bruises, vitiligo, birthmarks, and things that sounded a lot worse than my legs, so I shelled out the money to try it. All I got was bruises highlighted by the weird looking makeup on them. Rather than concealing my bruises, it made them stand out even more. I was very disappointed.

Thus if you know of any product that would cover these bruises, look natural, and not wipe off on clothing, I'd love to hear any suggestions.

It's an odd thing to wish that you could wear a skirt or dress on a regular day (not a special occasion) with some sandals or open toe shoes and NOT have people wondering if my husband, the most wonderful husband in the world, beats me, kicks me, or takes a switch to my legs. It would be nice to not have to worry about the random stranger instant interventions in Walmart & to be able to chalk up any strange looks to maybe having a booger...that would be a strangely wonderful day.

27 comments:

  1. i just came across your blog while researching how to get rid of brown spots on (my face). I just had to say hello as I have had Lupus since i was 20 (1988)...going on 23 years now. Of course many of us bruise with prednisone but i found out that too much heprin during dialysis (this is my theory) that made me bruise on my shins like you and they have never gone away. I have been saying the same thing. I see all these woman in cute dresses and skirts and I have not worn one since 1999. My "stains" are more on my left shin but yours look better. Go for it you can totally wear a skirt. Mine are more individual bruises clumped together and darker. I too have tried every makeup. They all look ridiculous. The makeup industry is so big. I had my leg up on a counter at sephora once with 3 ladies helping me and not one type of foundation/concealer looked good and when we went outside in the sun it really looked awful and fake. I can't believe there is not a single product that can work.
    Be well.
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julie!
      I read your reply on a blog I came across & after reading it, I wanted to share w. you a 'possible' cause for the 'staining' you have on your legs...her's my comment cut/pasted for you to read if you'd like. Take care & stay strong! 23 yr's a fighter & that's FANTASTIC!!! <3
      I just stumbled across this blog while doing research on rare/unusual skin problems I've had; I have Rheumatoid Arthritis a "rapid, progressive" form since the young age of 19...I'll be 38 next week.
      It was the pic of your legs with "THE BRUISES THAT NEVER WENT AWAY" that made me want to reach out to you...Have you ever been on "Minocycline"? It's actually an antibiotic in the tetracycline family but is commonly effective for ppl with RA (& SLE too). There is a 'rare' harmless side-effect that is called 'minocycline staining' which is similar to a 'bruise that won't heal' and it's coloration is green-to-bluish. I had the reaction in the same place as you, on my shins. I am a nurse of 18 yrs and I haven't seen it on anyone other than myself but it is 'rare'. My rheumatologist sent me to one of her collegues, a dermatologist, in 1998-99 and he (the dermatologist) actually was writing a book & took pics of my 'staining' for his book cuz it was not something that was commonly seen.
      I thought I'd share this you & it could be something worth inquiring about. "A shot in the dark" but hey, it's worth it for me to take 5 min's & offer my experience in hopes that maybe you'll get an answer for a change; considering auto-immune diseases aren't exactly 'generous' with explanations, right? lol ... hope you're doing well! Feel free to get in touch with me if I can be helpful in any other way. STAY STRONG! :)
      Kellie

      Delete
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    3. THANKS TO DR OSAZEE WHO CURED ME OF LUPUS DIESEASE WITH HIS HERBAL MEDICATION, MY DOCTOR HAS ALREADY GIVING THE NUMBERS OF DAYS AM GOING TO LIVE ON EARTH, DUE TO MY CRITICAL LUPUS DIESEASE CONDITION, BEFORE I SAW A TESTIMONY OF HOW DR OSAZEE HAS BEEN CURING PEOPLE OF LUPUS DISEASE ON THE INTERNET, AND I DECIDED TO GIVE IT A TRY, I WAS SURPRISED I GOT CURED WITHIN FIVE WEEKS WITH HIS HERBAL MEDICATION, YOU CAN ALSO REACH HIM VIA HIS EMAIL ON: DROSAZEHERBAL@GMAIL.COM OR WHATSAP HIM ON +2347089275769.

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  2. I just stumbled across this blog while doing research on rare/unusual skin problems I've had; I have Rheumatoid Arthritis a "rapid, progressive" form since the young age of 19...I'll be 38 next week.
    It was the pic of your legs with "THE BRUISES THAT NEVER WENT AWAY" that made me want to reach out to you...Have you ever been on "Minocycline"? It's actually an antibiotic in the tetracycline family but is commonly effective for ppl with RA (& SLE too). There is a 'rare' harmless side-effect that is called 'minocycline staining' which is similar to a 'bruise that won't heal' and it's coloration is green-to-bluish. I had the reaction in the same place as you, on my shins. I am a nurse of 18 yrs and I haven't seen it on anyone other than myself but it is 'rare'. My rheumatologist sent me to one of her collegues, a dermatologist, in 1998-99 and he (the dermatologist) actually was writing a book & took pics of my 'staining' for his book cuz it was not something that was commonly seen.
    I thought I'd share this you & it could be something worth inquiring about. "A shot in the dark" but hey, it's worth it for me to take 5 min's & offer my experience in hopes that maybe you'll get an answer for a change; considering auto-immune diseases aren't exactly 'generous' with explanations, right? lol ... hope you're doing well! Feel free to get in touch with me if I can be helpful in any other way. STAY STRONG! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Go online and learn how to cover bruising and marks properly. Trying to hide them with something the same color as your skin is inadequate. You need to learn about using opposing colors. Example : purple bruising can be made more neutral with something with green undertones. Then cover delicately with flesh color. Read up on covering birth marks. Hope this helps. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Were you ever able to find a solution? I have lupus as well and have had bruises exactly like yours (worse actually) for about 2 years now, which is most likely due to the prednisone since that's when i started taking it consistently. Have you found any way to get rid of it?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know this is an old post, but your pictures caught my eye. I just came back from a beach vacation where I was sunburned in a few areas, but my legs look a lot like the pictures you show. I have what looks like a weird bruising pattern on my lower legs, but it's not dark, just red. Looks like a rash, but it's not raised or anything and doesn't itch. I've also had problems with low platelets in the past so it's sort of making me wonder if the sunburn brought out something that might be going on.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Just came across your article while searching for an answer to my "bruises that won't heal". I'm 49 and just diagnosed with Lupus after 6 years of trying to figure out what was wrong, along with Fibromyalgia & Arthritis. I hate the way my legs now look and my arms are also always bruised, but I still wear shorts and summer tops... Don't care what others think, but I agree that too many ppl think 1st of abuse. You should wear whatever makes you happy. Life is way too short to worry about others opinions. Thanks again for your article!

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While going through your article it pinch me so bad, I've got skin rash since 2 years till date, gone to numbers of dermatologist but rashes comes n go ... Meanwhile I'v got the same brusise of your post ....
      And got some sign & symptoms too But I can't figure out;do I really hv a lupus ? Anyway thanks for sharing your articles.

      Delete
  8. Your beautiful, amazing, and a good person ! Thank you for sharing l! J have a similar situation . just helps knowing there's others who understand out there in this cruel world! Yet life is beautiful as long as we choose to accept it that way!

    ReplyDelete
  9. In case future readers are searching for a leg / arm bruise solution...this one isn't perfect, but can help smooth out that mottled look we get and blend the bruises out a bit as well (when they aren't at "massive car wreck" level). It is a spray product, Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs, comes in a fairly good range of shades.

    ReplyDelete
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    Erythematosus)

    ReplyDelete
  17. May God bless dr.idowu. for his marvelous work in my life, I was diagnosed of HERPES VIRUS, since 2017 and I was taking my medications, I wasn't satisfied with it because i needed to get the{cold score}  HERPES VIRUS, Out of my system, I searched about some possible cure for{cold score} Herpes  i saw comments about Dr.idowu how he cured people's diseases with his herbal medicine, I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he stated the remedy for my health, he sent me the medicine through UPS SPEED POST. I took the medicine as prescribed by him and 14 days later i was cured from {cold score} HERPES, thank you so much and you are the one that God sent to change my miserable life, may the almighty GOD be with you all the days of your life, so my brothers and sisters, I ugh you to contact him on this email address if you need his help   Dr.idowuherbalhome@gmail.com .Dr idowu ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SIR.He also told me that he has solution for the flowing. (+2348052789941) on Whats-app now*fibroid *kidney*fatty liver *HIV/AIDS**..1 Cancer cure Diabetes cures Ringing ear 4 Herpes cures Warts cure HPV cure Get your ex backs Pregnancy herbal medicines Prostate enlargement Hepatitis B 11 Disability Etc. Add him on Whats-app .now add him on via .(+2348052789941) or (+2348052789941). +2348052789941.. .good luck ...save life. you can contract if you have any probelem .............    

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  18. May God bless dr.idowu. for his marvelous work in my life, I was diagnosed of HERPES VIRUS, since 2017 and I was taking my medications, I wasn't satisfied with it because i needed to get the{cold score}  HERPES VIRUS, Out of my system, I searched about some possible cure for{cold score} Herpes  i saw comments about Dr.idowu how he cured people's diseases with his herbal medicine, I contacted him and he guided me. I asked for solutions, he stated the remedy for my health, he sent me the medicine through UPS SPEED POST. I took the medicine as prescribed by him and 14 days later i was cured from {cold score} HERPES, thank you so much and you are the one that God sent to change my miserable life, may the almighty GOD be with you all the days of your life, so my brothers and sisters, I ugh you to contact him on this email address if you need his help   Dr.idowuherbalhome@gmail.com .Dr idowu ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SIR.He also told me that he has solution for the flowing. (+2348052789941) on Whats-app now*fibroid *kidney*fatty liver *HIV/AIDS**..1 Cancer cure Diabetes cures Ringing ear 4 Herpes cures Warts cure HPV cure Get your ex backs Pregnancy herbal medicines Prostate enlargement Hepatitis B 11 Disability Etc. Add him on Whats-app .now add him on via .(+2348052789941) or (+2348052789941). +2348052789941.. .good luck ...save life. you can contract if you have any probelem .............    

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  19. I Can't still believe that i got cured from Genital Herpes through herbal treatment from Dr Oyagu who I met through the internet, I actually couldn't believe it at first because it sounded impossible to me knowing how far I have gone just to get rid of it. Dr Oyagu send me his medicine which I took as instructed and here I am living a happy life once again, a big thanks to Dr Oyagu, I am sure there are many herbal doctors out there but Dr Oyagu did it for me, contact him oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com , also call or whatsApp him on +2348101755322

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  20. FINALLY FREE FROM HERPES VIRUSI thought my life had nothing to offer anymore because lifebecame meaningless to me because I had Herpes virus, thesymptoms became very severe and bold and made my familyrun from and abandoned me so they won't get infected. I gaveup everything, my hope, dreams,vision and job because thedoctor told me there's no cure. I consumed so many drugs butthey never cured me but hid the symptoms inside me makingit worse. I was doing some research online someday when Icame across testimonies of some people of how DR Ebhotacured them from Herpes, I never believed at first and thoughtit was a joke but later decided to contact him on the detailsprovided and when I messaged him we talked and he sent mehis herbal medicine and told me to go for a test after twoweeks. Within 7 days of medication the symptomsdisappeared and when I went for a test Lo and behold I wasNEGATIVE by the Doctor Who tested me earlier. Thank you DREbhota because I forever owe you my life and I'll keep ontelling the world about you. If you are going through samesituation worry no more and contact DR Ebhota viadrebhotasolution@gmail. com or WhatsApp him via +2348089535482.he also special on cureing 1. HIV/AIDS2. HERPES 3. CANCER 4.ALS 5. HEPATITIS B 6.DIABETES 7. HUMAN PAPILOMA VIRUS DISEASE(HPV)8. ALZHEIMER 9. LUPUS (Lupus Vulgaris or LupusErythematosus

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  21. Am here to appreciate Dr Aliaro for using his herbal medicine to cure my Herpes virus. since 3 years now I have been living with this virus and it has been giving me challenges, I was so perplexed cause i have been taking several drugs to be cured but all of my effort was in vain,one .morning i was browsing through the internet then i saw several testimonies about Dr. Aliaro curing people from Herpes virus and immediately i contacted Dr. Aliaro on his email: draliarohomeofgrace@gmail.com, i told him about my troubles and he told me that i must be cured, gave me some instructions and which i rightly followed. so he prepared a herbal medicine for me and sent it to me which i used for 2 weeks and everything was like a dream to me and my Herpes virus was totally gone, why don’t you contact him today and be free from your diseases because he is very good and honest Doctor. contact him via email; draliarohomeofgrace@gmail.com or Whats App him: +2347038729039.

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  22. My joy knows no bounds, I never thought that one day I will live on earth cured of this virus. I have been suffering from this deadly virus "HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS" since 5 years ago. I have spent a lot of money on drugs and going from one hospital to another, hospital has been my most visited place where constant check up have been my hobby not until one day, i decided to share my situation to a very close friend of mine and she was very upset with me for not telling her ever since that she is aware of one doctor called Dr. Sani who helps people in curing their HERPES. quickly i contacted his email: perfectherbalcure@gmail.com that was given to me by Carolyn, just to give him a test, i spoke to him, he asked me to do some certain things which i did, he told me that he was going to prepare and send some herbal cure to me, which he did and thereafter i received it and after using the herbal cure within 2weeks and few days i was totally cured, i had to go back to the same hospital that I have been going before to confirm my cure and behold I was confirmed negative by my doctor, so today I am here to spread the good-news of my life on how Dr. Sani saved me from the nightmare and outbreaks of HERPES VIRUS. You can contact him via email: perfectherbalcure@gmail.com or Whats-app: +2348118184266. If you are still suffering from this deadly virus...I believe you're going to be happy and feel alive again just as I am right now.
    Email: perfectherbalcure@gmail.com
    Whats-app: +2348118184266

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  23. I am here to express my deep and warm gratitude to herbal medicine, which I obtained from Dr. Patrick. Now I am living a healthy life since last 6 months. I am now free of genital herpes virus after the herbal medication I received from him. You can contact him to get your medicine through his email: drpatrickspelltample2001@gmail.com

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